She thinks she steals, we pay.
Its like dating a liquor soaked gold digger. It’s Thursday, which means we are going to see Tokyo Police Club & Said the Whale at Republik. It’s going to be sick, but will cost us 1 million dollars in merch. Just like an old man perv says: “Its totally worth it, cause she’s hot”.
She has your dick.
Tonight Happened
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What? When did you go to the Hospital? Like from the bar?
IT’S MATT FIELD’S 30th BIRTHDAY!! Without question we are going to celebrate with one of the most killer dudes we know & 20 other people feel the exact same way. This was the kind of night that a week later, not only does it still get brought up, but the people you assumed you spent the entire night with tell you things that make you ask the question “Where the fuck was I all night?” …Which is why we chose to leave it at that. There is no way to recap this night and do it justice. Amazing people, great laughs and maybe the drunkest night of this year. To our great friend Matty, Happy Birthday. Love you so much. So happy you happened.
P.S – B Ray / Ellis – Get better.
Old Dicks.
Tonight Happened!
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OTD – One Token Dude
[wun-tOH-kin-Dewd] :// noun
The one token dude: ONE – Not two, not three, and never a fucking boyfriend. An OTD is the ‘optimist’ that decides to hang out solo with a group of broads who are guaranteed to drink him under the table and still somehow embarrass him… even though he is the only dude with 6 broads! A true OTD is the guy that does this more than once.
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Dick moves all over the world
Tay – Keep killing it ahhhhh, EVERYWHERE! The shout outs from around the world warm our hearts. Seriously tho… Miss your face.
Thailand 2011
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…And the Baby Mama’s Come to Town. You do the Math Fool!
$670 in wine
3 Hours of traveling back and forth to Okotoks
10 packs of darts
$90 cab rides
$60 in Mc D’s orders
45 minute cab ride home / Waking up in Okotoks
Subtotal – Friday Night
GST – 150 minutes of sleep and a 30 minute ride of shame home in the AM
TOTAL: The babies mama’s are in town.
Never in our lives has one night required so much planning. Calling to get cab quotes, purchasing baby sitters, arranging pick up and drop off’s. Holy fuck! All for one night of drinking.
True story… Our only two “accomplices” to stray from a life full of booze, darts, and lost memories are in the same city as us, for 4 nights!! We have not had a night out together since their double Stagette 3 years ago. Yes, these 2 broads, got engaged around the same time, married within months of each other had kids within 6 months of each other.
Double Stagette: June ’09
After much begging and pleading, the time is right and Leech comes to visit. In honor of this, it makes perfect sense to have a dinner party. A dinner party where food is optional but two bottles of wine per person is not. Assuming that some would not bring wine, others (sam lee) quadrupled up on their order because she “doesn’t cook”.
We wound up with around 36 GD bottles between 7 of us. Idiots! … is what we turned into. T-minus 3 hours in and there was a full fledged Brandon, MB party in swing. Mills, Horn, Wales…a.k.a any dude that any of us may have had a brief fling, crush, fight club with in high school showed up for the occasion. So much fun in fact it seemed like an amazing idea to travel to Okotoks for a slumber at 3am as though we were going to ‘after party’ somehow (BOTH babies are sleeping at this home in Okotoks). It was going to be AMAZING according to Berry… Actual events went a little like this:
4:30am – Arrive home – McDonalds covering us and feeling like garbage.
4:37am – Out cold
7am – Baby #1 is up…. crying
8am – Baby #2 is up…. chillin
8:30am – HOLY FUCK everyone is up.
8:33am – Berry, what the fuck are we doing in Okotoks and why did you bring asparagus in a ‘to go’ bag?
9:30am – Realize that 4 of us came to Okotoks but there is only room for 3 of us back to Cgy (we clearly forgot about the babies).
10:30am – Mandy is sat between 2 babies, otherwise known as riding BITCH, and Berry is sitting on the floor. Baby 1, screaming. Baby 2 sleeping.
11:22am – I have never been so happy to be home.
In summation:
Smitty, Leech…. Two girls that if you would have asked us 4 years ago if we could see them being mom’s, we would have screamed. Not from disbelief or doubt, but from selfishness. You two are the most fun to have around and we all have really really missed you. I am standing up while typing this… In order to give you two some kind of standing ovation. Mom’s of the year! We could never do it. If anything, we still need someone to mother us… Leech, we have been thinking of moving to Van and letting you take care of us. Smitty, we have been thinking of moving to Okotoks and letting you take care of us.
Miss you already!
Baby Dicks!
TH
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GOBBLE GOBBLE: @ BROKEN CITY
‘Whats the name of this band again? Turkey Turkey?’ – that’s what a moron said the night of this show. Unfortunately, that moron was one of us.
Thursday night, our resident Fambi – LJD – suggests we go see Gobble Gobble @BC. Some of the girls gotta work, some are out doin other shit… its gonna be a mellow night if any of us make it.
Berry is all about going to the show, but with who?
Cut to – the drunkest asian in Calgary showing up with her 40 year old boss after just spending 6 hours at ‘Winefest’. Slurring, stumbling, ordering wine in a rocks glass and spilly talking the entire thing all over anyone who came within 2ft (so pretty much just JB in a ponytail). Shoulda wore the helmet that was just purchased from the Home and Garden show… a show which was also “B & E’d” into.
Aside from that shitshow, it was such a good night! One of the best surprises in the world is going to see a band you don’t know much about and having it blow your mind. These guys were crazy good. They have a pretty aggressive dance/pop/electronic sound, but at the end of the day, it’s fuckin’ good dancin’ music yo!! We are seriously considering road tripping to Saskatoon to see their next show… COME!
Listen to: Lawn Knives & End of Days
Turkey Dicks – gross.
Tonight Happened
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IMAGINARY CITIES, PEPPER RABBIT, & RURAL ALBERTA ADVANTAGE: @ THE LEGION
Tuesday nights + Concert + The Legion + The Palomino = We’re all gonna die.
Imaginary Cities are from Winnipeg, Mb!! By now, you should have heard of this band – we’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a band get famous this fast and we promise you, you’ve never heard a chick with a voice like this before. Bottom line, these guys aren’t fuckin around but then again… Manitobans never fuck around.
Pepper Rabbit – Rules your face off.
R.A.A – Rocks your balls off.
On a serious note: We had so many of us blacked out by the time RAA took the stage (*cough* mandy) that no matter what happened it would have been an awesome night. Hansen donates $5 to the band for no reason and Berry goes deaf due to ‘mini dating’ the speaker. This. Is. Tuesday.
Listen to:
Marry the Sea & Hummingbird by Imaginary Cities
Older Brother by Pepper Rabbit
Drain the Blood, Summertime, & Stamp by The R.A.A
Your mom has a dick!
Tonight Happened.
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THEE OH SEES: @ REPUBLIK
Hansen and Berry’s 1st Domestic.
Berry: This is awesome
Hansen: I don’t like it.
Berry: Fuck you, its awesome.
Show, Showdown.
Solid difference of opinon – but we still highly recommend checkin’ them out.
Listen to: I Was Denied
Your M has a D!
Tonight Happened
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Who’s sleeping on the floor over there?
It is 5am… . We’re not young enough to recover from this easily tomorrow. But this is our life reminder to talk about this night once again…One of us is wearing a tina turner costume, free styling the Jackson 5. It is clearly a MB wedding social and their is a banquet table in the living room, their on top of it. And not since we have been 18yrs old have we bought offsale booze. Hansen is passed out in the middle of the house. Guaranteed to regret this moment..
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It’s tough being a true sports fan – The Heritage Classic
Monday – blows in general but never, ever have our lives felt the world of hurt they did yesterday. On GD Family day.
Sunday night was the Heritage Classic – instead of being assholes and freezing our asses off inside the game, we volunteer to man 3 busses and steal people post hockey game to come back to St. James Corner. Larkin is so stoked that she is Martha Stewarting’ up jello shots, pill shooters and hugging a 60 pounder’ of Silver Wedding vodka just cause. Things are looking like they are going to be glorious.
Put it this way, it could have been amazing… It may have been one for the books. 10 broads & no one remembers seeing each other or partying together . The only thing we do remember is the missing items from our lives the next day: Some pride, a lot of dignity, cell phones, money, my shirt, you name it…. it was gone. Painfully gone forever. It was so bad…..
AIM:
SR: sean just told me you bit it on the dance floor and then blamed it on the asian guy!!!
SR: hahahaha. WP!
MZ:yep it was Damon’s fault. He told me yest. Fuck i am never coming back. blind. drunk. Most likely un hired.
MZ: I never get like that. Not coming back
MZ: I am mortified
MZ: Fuck, I go to Cabo and stay relatively sober… but wait, St James Corner, it’s Sunday, lets just go all Helen Keller on the place. Fuck.
SR: hahahahahahahaha! you rule.
MZ: fuuuuuuck. I am so embarrassed to come there tomorrow.
Only to be followed up with this e-mail:
From: Damon
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:16:38 +0000
To: Kristen, Samantha, Mandy Annie, Nicole, Nikki, Krystal, Steven, Aaron, Cory
Subject: Lost/found/sorry/thank you
Dear friends,
As of Monday morning I have lost a few things. I have also found a few things.
Missing: One Rabbit hat
Missing: One Woodland creature hat, with a face
Missing: Memories
Missing: The shirt I wore when I left my house before meeting up with you people
Missing: Thick wad’s of cash from my bank account
Found: Annie’s keys in the hallway of our apartment building.
Found: A woodland creature’s tail
Found: Flames jersey (I think it’s Cory’s)
Found: A slightly timid Irish lad in the Scotch Room at 11am
I also have a few apologies, and a few thank you’s I need to hand out.
Nicole – Sorry for trapping you under my newly acquired Flames jersey while I was wearing it, but thank you for smooching me for doing so.
Kristen – Sorry for making your friend cry when I told her the truth about the guy she slept with who ignored her afterwards. Sorry again for wiping her tears away. I forgot I had hot sauce on my fingers. Sorry mostly for thinking this was a good time to try and smooch her.
Mandy - Sorry for trapping you under my jersey causing us to have a dance floor wreckage.
Annie – Thank you for kiss r@ping me. Sorry for knocking aggressively on your door, causing panic at 11am.
SLee – Sorry you had to leave early. Sorry for Boo’ing you for doing so.
Nikki - Thank you for smooching me. Thank you for taking away my sunglasses and saving me from 1. from wrecking them, and 2. from trying to look like a black guy, or Corey Hart.
Krystal - Thank you for countless model shots.
Cory – Sorry things didn’t work out with you and those cute twins.
Steve – Sorry for introducing you as “Latisha” all night.
Aaron - Sorry your visa was stolen. Thanks for leaving, making me the best looking guy in the bar.
Have a good week. See you guys and girls next Sunday at St. James.
Love,
DEB
-Tonight Happened
